Shattered Illusions
by koalasneedlove
Summary: Whenever Rachel had imagined New York, she had a specific fantasy in mind. The reality of living there is extremely different to what was in her head and she isn't sure that she likes it. Rachel centric with a little a bit of Finchel and Klaine, but not much.


When Rachel goes up to New York to look at her dorm, she couldn't feel happier. Well, maybe if Kurt and Finn were there like they were meant to be she could have felt a little happier but other than that she was great. She's in New York. _New York_. How could she _not _be feeling wonderful? She meets her roommate and is only annoyed by the fact that she has to share a room with someone other than her fiancé or best gay. When she goes back to Lima for the summer she is pleased with what will be waiting for her in New York when she returns in the fall.

Of course, returning to Lima for the summer also means seeing Finn and Kurt, both painful experiences, the former because they broke up and he was joining the army and she was still upset and a little bit sore that he had just broken of their engagement like that, and the latter because she knew he resented her a little bit for getting into NYADA when he didn't.

She doesn't expect either of them to be so happy about their situations. Kurt's ecstatic because he gets to spend another year with Blaine and he has a plan for his future.

"I'm applying for NYADA next year," he tells her as they sit at Breadstix, Rachel feeling like the third wheel as Blaine plays with Kurt's hand on the table. "And this year I'm going to community college and studying musical theatre there. Obviously it's not New York and that sucks, but it's a start towards it."

"So you'll join me next year?" Rachel asks and Kurt shrugs.

"Maybe," he replies. "I'm applying to more colleges this time. NYU and Juliard. I may not be able to study musical theatre but I can do drama and I'd rather do that than be stuck in Lima for another year."

"You'll definitely get into one of them," Blaine promises and they share a loving glance before looking around the restaurant to check nobody has seen them.

Finn is busy training for the army and researching ways to get his dad's discharge status changed so Rachel doesn't see him much but she does run into him when she goes shopping. Their conversation is awkward and brief but Rachel can tell he is far more enthusiastic about the army than he was about the Actor's Studio.

She spends a little time with the remaining members of New Directions, but the couples have all split off to spend as much time with each other as possible, Rory's gone back to Ireland, Sugar's on holiday to somewhere exotic, Joe's gone off to a Christian retreat with his family, and once again Tina and Mike have gone to Asian Camp to be counsellors.

"So, hobbit," Santana begins on one of the rare days when all the ex and current members of New Directions in Lima have gathered together. "Are you liking New York?" They're all lazing around in the sun in the park and it's surprisingly empty.

"Yes," Rachel gushes. "It's wonderful and it's everything I thought it would be and I can't wait to go back and study—"

"Rachel," snaps Blaine, looking at Kurt's disappointed expression. "Try for a little sensitivity."

"But he has a plan," Rachel replies. "He's going to go to New York next year."

"He's still not there now," Blaine retorts. He grabs Kurt's hand and shuffles a little closer to his boyfriend. Rachel frowns, her defences going up.

"Look, I'm sorry that he didn't make it in but it isn't my fault that Carmen Tibedaux didn't think he was good enough for NYADA. I offered to stay here for another year and he and Finn told me to leave. What more do you want me to do?" Kurt's head is down and he's staring at the rug they're sitting on as if it holds the answer to the meaning of life; Quinn, Puck, Mercedes, Finn and Sam all look awkward as they sit on the sidelines and watch; Santana sits upright and watches the two teens argue with glee; Brittany just looks confused as to what's going on.

"Anything but go on and on about how wonderful New York is in his presence, maybe," Blaine suggests.

"Santana asked a question," Rachel says. "I was just being polite and answering. If you don't want to hear me be polite and answer then you can leave." She doesn't expect Blaine to actually get up and for Kurt to follow. The two of them say goodbye to everyone else and promise to meet up some other time before leaving, Blaine's hand finding Kurt's and their fingers twisting together.

Santana starts clapping. "Well done, hobbit," she says. "You've managed to ruin one of the only days we've been able to spend together. What an achievement."

"That was a bit rude, Rachel," Mercedes says carefully. "We don't have long left together."

"It's true, though!" Rachel protests. "I was just being polite and answering a question." The rest of the group is silent until Quinn speaks up.

"I'm going to check out Yale next week," she says. "You guys want any souvenirs?"

"I thought Yale was a type of cheese," Brittany mutters.

"I'd love one of those Yale sweatshirts," says Sam. Mercedes elbows him gently.

"They're so cheesy," she says and instantly the conversation switches to Quinn's future Yale adventures. When the day ends, Rachel feels that it went well (mostly) and all she needs now is for Blaine to apologise for what he said to her because it really wasn't justified. Really, it wasn't _her _fault that Kurt didn't get into NYADA.

* * *

Rachel spends the rest of the summer occasionally seeing her friends but mostly staying at home with her dads whilst learning more songs and a few monologues and completing the summer's reading set by her professors. When she leaves in the fall and returns to her dorm in New York the only thing she's annoyed about is not making up with Blaine and Kurt before leaving Lima again.

But, she tells herself, it's their fault anyway. They shouldn't have been so rude to her. It's the only thought that comforts her.

She begins her first year at college extremely eager and ready to begin her classes. Somehow between September and December her mindset changes. Her dormitory is small but the girl she shares it with is nice, even if she is scarily like Rachel, right down to the animal sweaters. They have a small living room/kitchen area, a tiny bathroom and two rooms so they get a little privacy and Rachel thinks she can make it work. Her roommate, Katherine, is a freshman studying dance.

In her first class, the professor congratulates them for getting this far and then proceeds to give an hour long lecture about Performance and Technology and Rachel wishes she had brought a laptop with her rather than just a pen and paper to take notes with. It does make her feel slightly better that all of the other students look scared, too. Luckily the teacher doesn't set them any essays to write because Rachel's sure that she wouldn't have been able to do any. She spends the afternoon exploring New York and taking pictures to send to her dads – discreetly, of course, because she doesn't want to look like a tourist.

When she gets back to her dorm, there's a party going on in the hall and she has to squeeze past the people flocking outside her door. Rachel stumbles through the door and slams it quickly. All the people in the hall appear to be drunk and they're getting louder and louder by the second. Her roommate pokes her head out of her room.

"They're being really loud, aren't they?" she asks, an annoyed tone to her voice. "I don't think they realise that some of us have to be up early tomorrow for dance classes." She disappears back into her room and slams the door and Rachel winces as the doorframe rattles. Rachel, too, retreats to her room where the pounding music coming from the corridor is slightly muffled, even if it isn't completely gone. She falls asleep reading _The Crucible_ (because it's important she knows the plays that she will inevitably study and possibly perform in, right?) and when she wakes up the next morning to hear no music she's very relieved. Her roommate has gone to her dance class so Rachel's alone. She doesn't have any classes to attend so she's got nothing to do.

Rachel finds her phone and picks it up, intending to call Kurt or Finn and tell them all about New York until she realises that Finn's in the army now and Kurt still doesn't like her.

The ringing of the phone in her hands startles her. She stares at it for a second before answering. "Hello?"

"Hobbit, have you got classes?"

"Not today," she replies. "Why, Santana? What do you want?"

"I figured since you and I are alone in this city we could get our freak on," Santana replies casually. "But if that's not what you want then I can always find someone else…"

"_No!_" Rachel cries. Santana may not have been the nicest in high school but they made up and became friends at the end, plus she's the only other person from New Directions to be in New York. "I'll meet you in Times Square, on the red steps."

It becomes a weekly tradition for the two of them to meet up, until one day when one of Rachel's professors calls her behind after class and speaks to her about her latest assignment.

"You're just scraping a passing grade, Miss Berry," she says seriously. "You got into NYADA because you're one of the best in the country. Do not abuse your place here. Perhaps you might like to consider spending a little less time with friends and a little more time studying?"

Rachel texts Santana that she can't meet up with her weekly anymore because she's falling behind in her classes. Santana calls her back later and leaves a message on her voicemail containing several Spanish words Rachel doesn't know the meaning of and isn't sure she _wants _to know the meaning of.

Rachel spends the rest of the day in the university's library, looking up actors and researching acting techniques as well as doing finding the songs she needs to learn for her ensemble class. College is proving tougher than she thought it would be.

She actually falls asleep in the library. That's how long Rachel is there for. The librarian wakes her up and politely informs her she must leave because the library needs to close, so she gathers up her books and stumbles back to her dorm room where, surprise surprise, there's a party going on. Katherine's lying on the couch in the small living room watching the television with a half eaten pizza in front of her and she turns when Rachel walks in.

"I saved you some pizza," she says, lazily indicating to the pizza.

"I'm a vegan," Rachel reminds her. "I can't have cheese." Katherine curses and it's odd. It doesn't seem right for a small, delicate looking girl like her to be cussing.

"I'm sorry," she apologises. "I completely forgot."

"It's fine," Rachel smiles. "My fian—" She falters. "My _ex_-fiancé forgot about it a lot, too. I'm kind of used to it."

"I'll remember next time," Katherine promises before her attention is drawn back to the TV. Rachel guesses that's the best she's going to get from her roommate and retreats to her room where she fetches a couple of vegan-chocolate bars from the mini fridge in her room. It isn't much but it's something.

Rachel begins to spend an increasing amount of time in the library and eventually manages to hand in her next assignment with a proud look on her face. The look becomes prouder when she gets back her grade – an A – but when she tells Katherine, the tiny dancer looks a little sceptical.

"It's great that you're getting such good grades," she says as she practises stretches with Rachel in one of the ballet studios. "But you're working yourself to the bone and that can't be healthy."

"But it'll all be worth it," Rachel insists. "When we graduate we're going to need the best grades possible so we look amazing and directors want to pick us to be the stars of their shows." Katherine giggles a little at the look on Rachel's face but she's still slightly worried.

"Just make sure you're eating," she tells Rachel. "Just promise me that." Rachel does and, to celebrate her achievement, the two of them go out to dinner at a restaurant down the block that serves vegan meals as well as meat dishes.

"Hello and welcome to – Rachel?"

"_Santana!_" Rachel jumps up and gives Santana a big hug. Santana looks uncomfortable but returns it slightly before directing her gaze to Katherine.

"Dear God," she mutters, taking in the animal sweater, "there's two of you." Katherine looks confused and offended (and also a little annoyed at the poor grammar) but says nothing.

"How long have you been working here?" asks Rachel, retaking her place at the table. "And why haven't you come to NYADA to say hello?"

"I'm working on becoming famous and I have this job," Santana points out. "I don't have time to visit colleges. But how are you?" It's uncharacteristically nice of Santana to ask about Rachel's well being but Rachel ignores this and begins a long spiel on how wonderful NYADA is except for the parties that go on every day.

"And the fact that you're working way too hard to get good grades," Katherine interjects. Santana frowns.

"You could have mentioned _that_," she says. "You look thinner, too." She looks at Katherine. "Has she been eating?"

"Of course I have!" Rachel protests.

"Yeah, chocolate bars," Katherine says and turns her attention to Santana. "That's why we're here. We want to celebrate and I want to make sure she gets a decent meal."

"Speaking of getting a decent meal," Santana says, pulling out a pad and pen. "What do you want to eat?" They order and the meal is delivered to them quicker than to anyone else in the restaurant so they get a couple of dirty looks, particularly one from an old man sitting at the table opposite them. They eat the main course and treat themselves to desert because they can and then, once they've finished, Rachel and Katherine leave the nearly deserted restaurant and return to their unusually quite dormitory. There isn't a party going on outside which means Rachel finally gets some sleep. When she wakes up the next morning, Rachel feels good. She feels like she could take on the world and win. So when she finds out about the school's musical auditions she immediately puts her name down.

"Are you auditioning?" she asks Katherine, who shakes her head. "You should," Rachel says, "and then we could do the show together."

"If you get cast," Katherine says. "There's going to be a lot of competition, you know. You might not get a part."

"Of course I'll get a part," Rachel scoffs. "I'm _me_."

* * *

She auditions with _On My Own _from _Les Misérables_. It's the song that got her into glee club and she's convinced the song will get her into the musical. It only seems fitting: the song that began her true high school experience will also begin her true college experience. Katherine still remains slightly sceptical about the whole thing but Rachel finally convinces her to audition (even if Katherine only agrees to in order to get Rachel to shut up about it).

One week after the auditions, the cast list goes up. Katherine gets a part in the chorus where she just gets to dance. Rachel doesn't get in.

"Rachel, I—" Katherine begins but Rachel cuts her off quickly.

"Congratulations," she mutters. "You'll do great. Excuse me." She hurries off and doesn't return to the dorm until much, much later. She spends the day looking around the city again, but suddenly everything seems a little less bright and interesting, even Times Square. It's as she's admiring this new development that someone runs into her.

"Hey!" the someone cries. "Watch where you're going, hobbit."

Rachel sighs. "Sorry, Santana." Santana frowns.

"That doesn't sound like you," she says. "Come on. Grab a coffee with me."

* * *

Santana leads them past three Starbucks and Rachel's feet are beginning to get tired but Santana seems to have morphed into a New Yorker easily and navigates around the many people littering the sidewalks and takes them down several short cuts. She leads Rachel to a very small coffee shop with soft, comfy chairs to sit on and a small stage area where a microphone and a guitar are set up. Other than the two girls and the barista, the place is empty.

"I come here and sing sometimes," Santana tells Rachel once they've ordered their coffees. "It isn't much but I have a crowd of regulars. I'm sure it'll turn into something. I _will _be famous."

"That's what I thought, too," Rachel moans. "Until I realised that that's an idiotic dream."

Santana stands up and slaps Rachel. "What happened to you, hobbit?" she cries. Rachel's hand flies to her cheek where an ugly red mark in the shape of a hand begins to form. "You used to have such big dreams. They were annoying as hell, but they were big. Mr Schue never bothered to fake a disco competition so you could 'win', did he?" Rachel looks confused but shakes her head. "That's because he didn't have to. Because you had a dream and you were going to achieve them no matter what, remember? What happened to the Rachel Berry we all knew and kind of liked?" Rachel doesn't answer, but Santana is insistent. "_What happened, Rachel?_" Rachel sighs.

"New York."

Rachel tells Santana everything, from how she was sure she nailed her audition to Katherine getting a part even when she didn't even want to be in it.

"It's just one little part," Santana says, waving her hand dismissively. "So you didn't get it. You'll get one eventually."

"Yeah, chorus member number three," Rachel moans sadly.

"Everyone has to start somewhere," Santana tells her. "Like me in this coffee shop. If there's one thing that New York taught me it's that we all start small. Well, that and not to ever leave my some of laundry in the hall while I go and get the rest." Santana shakes her head. "I miss those pants." Rachel looks slightly confused but says nothing. "And besides," Santana continues, getting back on track, "you got Maria in _West Side Story _in our senior year, didn't you?"

"I wasn't meant to," Rachel mutters.

"What?"

Rachel remembers that she and Mercedes never told anyone what happened in the audition process and that part of the reason why Mercedes deferred to the Troubletones. "I was meant to share it with Mercedes. She said no and quit the musical. So I got the part." Rachel looks at her half empty coffee cup. "She was better than me."

"But _you _were willing to share the part?" Santana asks incredulously. "And _Mercedes _wasn't? Did you switch personalities or something? That's so not like her." Rachel shrugs.

"That's beside the point," Rachel says. "The point is that I wasn't good enough to have the part all to myself then and I wasn't good enough to get the part now and I'm not going to be good enough to get the parts in the future!"

Santana frowns. Rachel's mentality is worse than she thought. She gets up. "Come on," she says. "I have a good remedy."

"What are you doing?" Rachel asks as Santana, clearly not satisfied at the speed at which Rachel is getting up, grabs her hand and pulls her up harshly, nearly yanking Rachel's arm right out of its socket.

"Therapy," is the only answer she receives as Santana drags up her up onto the small stage. "Sometimes," Santana explains, handing Rachel the microphone and moving off towards a small sound system while gesturing something to the barista, "when we're sad, we need to sing a sad song. And then we feel better."

"Santana…"

"Trust me on this one," Santana says, stepping off the stage and letting the first few beats of music wash over the both of them. "And if you don't trust me, trust the Canadians. Some guys at the University of Toronto researched it."

"Santana…"

"You've missed the beginning," Santana says. "Try again." She puts the music back to the beginning of the track. "I think you'll know this song. It's Streisand…kind of."

"San—" Rachel tries, but Santana pauses the music and speaks over her.

"Think of everything you feel sad about. Everything you miss: Lima, your dads. Safety. Kurt, Finn, New Directions. Think of everything and put all your emotions into this one song as if your life depends on it. Now, I'm going to start the music again. If you make me stop it one more time I'm going to get angry. And you won't like me when I'm angry."

Rachel takes a deep breath and nods. The music starts once more from the beginning and she opens her mouth. "_You don't bring me flowers…_"

* * *

When Rachel finally tears herself away from the stage in the coffee shop (and it was hard to do so. She only left when the barista decided that yes, one hour past the regular closing time was far too late for anyone to be staying there), she trudges back to the university. Santana walks with her part of the way before veering off towards a bar where she insists there's a great karaoke night. Her dedication is slightly inspiring to Rachel, but she would never admit it; if she did, Santana would never let her forget it. Once more there's a party going on in her hall and she sighs, ready to push past everyone and go into her dorm, moan about it for a couple of seconds with Katherine and then go into her room and read more plays.

She doesn't expect her roommate to have opened up their door and to have let the party flow into their dormitory.

"RACHEL!" Katherine shrieks as soon as Rachel walks through the door. "YOU MADE IT!" Rachel winces. Katherine is a loud drunk. She bounds up to Rachel, drink in hand. "HAVE A DRINK!"

"Katherine," Rachel replies, "what is going on?"

"We're having a PAAAAARTY!" Katherine yells happily, throwing her hands in the air and spilling her beer all over the floor and Rachel. "Oops." She giggles. "You're covered in _alcohol_."

"Great," Rachel deadpans. "Why are we having a party?"

"Paaaaarty," Katherine says and refuses to utter another word until Rachel rephrases her question to include the elongated word.

"Fine, why are we having a paaaaarty?"

"Because we're CELEBRATING!" Katherine's voice becomes louder and higher at the end of her sentence and Rachel takes a step back, right into someone behind her, which causes their drink to go down the back of her shirt. She shrieks in surprise and runs to her room, flinging the door open to find two half naked people making out on her bed. "Oh yeah," Katherine says from behind her. "I loaned out your room. Now come CELEBRATE!" The room lets out a cheer and the couple on Rachel's bed seem to notice they are no longer alone. They take one look at Rachel and scramble off her bed, grabbing their clothes and running out into the living room. Once they're gone, Rachel hurries into her room and slams the door shut, locking it for good measure. She takes off her wet top and throws it on the floor, then strips her sheets and replaces them with clean ones. Once she's in her pyjamas, she sits on the edge of her bed and drops her head in her hands. This was not how she imagined New York at all.

The afternoon she had spent with Santana had reminded her of how she wanted and expected New York to be like. This party had brought her back to reality. She lifts her head to stare at the bundled up sheets and top she had flung into the corner and lets out a quiet sob. Rachel misses Lima and its safe, quiet, boring nature. She throws herself back onto the bed and reaches for her purse. She draws out her cell phone and scrolls down her contact list until she finds the person she's looking for.

The phone rings twice before a sleepy voice answers, "Hello?"

"Kurt? It's Rachel."

"_Who is it?_" she hears Blaine's tired voice ask in the background and Kurt whispers, "It's only Rachel, go back to sleep."

"_OK_."

"Kurt?" Rachel asks again.

"Hi, Rachel," Kurt answers her, sounding less than enthusiastic. "Why are you calling me so late?" There's a faint thump on his end of the line and Rachel can hear a bit of shuffling about before a door closes. Rachel assumes he's gone into another room so he doesn't wake up Blaine.

"Is it late?" Rachel fakes a laugh. "I'm sorry, I'm just…" she trails off, not sure what to say.

"Finishing up from some crazy party?" Kurt finishes for her, hearing the thumping music in the background.

"What? No, no." Rachel sighs. "I wanted to apologise."

"_You _want to apologise. _You_, Rachel Berry, want to apologise."

"It isn't beyond my capacity!" Rachel snaps before sighing again. "I'm sorry, I mean, New York isn't the same without you. I wish you were here."

There's silence on the other end of the phone before Kurt finally asks, "Rachel, are you drunk?"

"WHAT?" Rachel cries. "NO!"

"OK, OK, sorry, just checking!" Kurt replies. "I just didn't expect to hear a thing like that from you."

"I've missed you," Rachel tells him.

"I've missed you, too," he replies. "But, Rachel, can we _please_ talk about this in the morning? I'm tired and I have classes tomorrow."

"Oh yeah, sure, totally," Rachel blurts out, not thinking. "I just wanted to make sure we were friends again." She pauses. "We are friends again, right?"

"Yes, Rachel, we're friends again," Kurt laughs. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." He hands up.

"Bye," Rachel whispers into the tone.

The next day, Rachel goes to class where she sees a lot of hung over students groaning and rubbing at their heads. Nearly all of the students in her class have donned sunglasses and are sipping at Gatorades in an attempt to relieve their hangovers. She had avoided Katherine earlier in the morning, waiting until she had gone to warm up before leaving the dorm and carefully avoiding the piles of vomit on the floor of the hall.

Her professor strides into the room and says in a booming voice, "Good _morning_, class! I trust we _all _had a _peaceful _night's sleep?"

Except for Rachel and a few other students, the class groans.

"Please remove your sunglasses, Mr Martin," the professor requests loudly. "And anyone else with them on, for that matter. They are not appropriate attire for a lesson on common themes in Shakespearian tragedies." He sits on his desk and waits for the students to remove their sunglasses, which they do while hissing at the light that hits their eyes. "Perhaps this will teach you all" – his eyes flicker over Rachel and the few others who remained sober the night before – "or the majority of you, that partying the night before a class is not a particularly good idea. Now, today we'll be looking at _Othello_…"

* * *

Rachel returns from class to find Katherine waiting for her on the sofa.

"Rachel," the dancer says, getting up. "I wanted to apologise for last night. It was wrong of me—"

"Are there any messages for me?" asks Rachel, brushing past her. "I'm expecting a call."

"A boy named Kurt rang about an hour ago," Katherine says. "But, Rachel, I really want to apologise—"

"Sorry," Rachel says, opening her door. "But I really can't keep Kurt waiting for much longer. We can talk this evening." She shuts the door behind her in Katherine's surprised face.

They don't talk that evening. They don't talk for another few days when Katherine finally corners Rachel and forces her into a discussion in which Katherine agrees never to throw another party in their dorm without first asking Rachel's permission and making sure her room is out of bounds.

The agreement goes down the drain next weekend when the entire freshman dance students ace their midterm and celebrate by having a giant party to which everyone is invited. It ends up in Rachel's dorm and she has to throw another couple out of her room – although, this time they were fully clothed, to her relief.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel," Katherine insists the next day.

"Save it," Rachel hisses. She storms out of the dorm in traditional Rachel Berry style. She finds Santana's coffee shop again and walks in as her friend is in the middle of a song. Santana was right: she does gather quite a crowd. Rachel waits until her set is finished (to thunderous applause) and then goes to talk to her.

"Your roommate sounds fun," Santana says. "But I can see why _you'd _be annoyed. And she seemed so much like you when I met her."

"I know," Rachel moans. "I just feel like getting back to Lima, you know."

"You're going back at Thanksgiving, right?" Santana asks. "And, no, I don't know."

"I was thinking about going back," Rachel replies, ignoring the last bit of Santana's sentence. "But I hadn't decided completely." That's a lie and Rachel knows Santana can tell by the way she arches her eyebrow. But she says nothing and Rachel is grateful for that.

"Just don't book the same flight as me," Santana tells her. "I remember how you were with flying when we were in junior year of McKinley."

"I wasn't that bad," Rachel mutters.

"You screamed when the captain spoke over the intercom," Santana reminds her. Rachel blushes.

* * *

Rachel doesn't speak with Katherine for the rest of the semester and eventually Katherine stops trying to get a conversation going between them. Rachel feels sad, because at the start of the school year they were such good friends and seeing what they've become isn't pleasant. On the first day of Thanksgiving break, Rachel flies back out to Ohio (but not on the same plane as Santana). Her dads greet her at the airport with a sign with her name written in big letters and a gold star on it. She smiles with nostalgia but the star is also a painful reminder of the role she didn't get.

She meets up with Kurt and Blaine and they mutually decide to put the argument behind them, because Kurt's applying to schools in New York again and he wants her advice on which to apply to.

The entire group of New Directions (including Rory, who somehow managed to get another student visa – and Sugar swears her dad had nothing to do with it – so he could return to the USA once the summer holidays ended) hangs out together only once before they all split up to go and visit family, but most return before the end of the week.

On Rachel and Santana's last day in Lima, they all gather round a table at Breadstix. It wasn't big enough to begin with but as more people arrived they pushed a few tables together while completely ignoring the angry looks they receive from the staff. Finn isn't there and neither is Sugar but other than that everybody came, even Mr Schuester.

"So, Rachel," Mr Schue asks. "How's New York treating you? Are you enjoying it?" From down the table, Rachel can see Santana looking at her, daring her to tell the truth, but Rachel can't. She lost her fiancé over this city; she fell out with her friends over this city; she's been dreaming about this city her entire life and she didn't get the lead role in McKinley's production of West Side Story (even if she was initially going to have to share it) and into NYADA for nothing, so she summons up all the flare she can muster and says confidently, "New York is wonderful, Mr Schue; it's even better than I thought it would be."

Santana looks disappointed in her and Rachel averts her gaze.

It will get better, she tells herself; next semester will be better. She will make it better.

After the dinner, Santana catches up with Rachel at her car and tears into her. "Why'd you lie back there?" she nearly screams at her.

"I couldn't tell them the truth," Rachel argues back.

"No, you wouldn't tell them the truth," Santana spits. "There's a difference. It's just you and your stupid pride, too afraid to admit that you aren't the best any more. In New York nobody cares that you were the co-captain of a national championship winning glee club; in New York you're just another Broadway wannabe and you don't know how to deal with that."

And Rachel can't argue with that.

Because Santana's right.

* * *

**Hi!**

**First of all, I'd like to say I'm from England so I apologise if I got any Americanisms wrong. If you see any, could you tell me somehow so I can know for next time? Thanks. Also, I've never been to any university, American or English. I still haven't sat most of my GCSEs. I have no idea what it's like there so if anything seems unrealistic, I'm sorry.**

**I'd also like to apologise if any character seemed a bit inconsistent. I'm working on improving my character writing skills, I promise!**

**(The song Rachel starts singing is 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers' by Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond)**


End file.
